DIRTY DISNEY/DAKOTA

What do most girls do after a breakup? Cry, eat ice cream, cry, lay in bed all day, cry, watch sad movies, cry, watch happy movies, cry... What do my friends do after a breakup? RAGE. 

Now everybody loves a good themed party; who doesn't like to pretend to be somebody else for a night? This means you can do whatever you want and your not held accountable for your actions, right? RIGHT. THese following events took place at a very overcrowded, themed, house party. The theme? DIRTY DISNEY. who doesn't like slutting up their favorite childhood disney character? That's not twisted at all...

I can't really recall what every one chose to be but i know it included Ariel, Sleeping Beauty, Pocohontas, Little Red Riding Hood (not disney!), two of the one hundred and one dalmatians (this was myself and courtney), and then there was dweedle-dee and Dakota took on the persona of dweedle-dum.

We all pre-gamed at Dakota and Penelope's apartment, and then walked over. At this point me and Courtney had stopped speaking in words and had resorted to communicating with arf's, grrrr's, and bark's. We were dalmations, remember. The night is pretty much a big blur of being extremely overheated, drinking more than we should have, dancing, barking, and Dakota. Oh, Dakota.

Dakota had just broken up with her boyfriend of about a year, and she was ready to let loose. This included  getting really really drunk and doing things she later regretted, but i later appreciated because they were so freaking funny. 

Offense 1: making out with a boy who not only herself, but nobody else would normally go near. Offense 2: swaying around in her dweedle-dum costume (just use your imagination, everything is just so much funnier when costumes are involved). Offense 3: TACKLING ONE OF OUR FRIENDS TO THE GROUND AND MAKING OUT WITH HER. The best part? The next morning she had literally no recognition of any of these things happening. She also couldn't step more than five feet away from the toilet since she was still trying to get a lot of the alcohol out... 

This is one of those nights i will look back on and realize why i love my friends so much, because when you think they could do nothing to surprise you... they black out in a dweedle-dee costume and make out with a girl.

COURTNEY HARRIS/ KE$HA

Numerous celebrities have taken on alter egos in the past to let their cray side show. Beyonce Knowles has Sasha Fierce, Nicki Minaj has more than one, Kesha has.. oh wait, Kesha doesn't have one. Why? Because Kesha is fucking insane as it is. That is why she is the perfect person for my friend, Courtney, to take form of on her wildest nights.

Courtney is my roommate and one of my best friends. We are almost always with each other, so I think I have a pretty good idea of how Courtney is. She's pretty cool, calm, and collected. Except randomly, when she decides to go bat-shit crazy and start calling herself Ke$ha.

My first encounter with Ke$ha happened last year on Cinco de Mayo, (or maybe it was Cesar Chavez day), whatever. All i know is it was a day that people were using as an excuse to wear sombreros and drink tequila. Which is what Courtney did.

The night started at a low key kick back where a few of our friends had gathered. It was no where near a rager, so we quickly got bored. It was one of our friends birthday weekends so she was celebrating by toasting and taking shots. At some point someone said something and she started crying. This is when Callie went with her into the bathroom. For Courtney and I, the best idea at this point was to go around the side of the house and try and hear the conversation. We couldn't. At this point we were both starting to feel the tequila, and decided to go hang out on the front porch. Somehow we ended up sitting on the porch swing, me with a beer in my hand. About 5 minutes after, we saw some flashing lights and before we knew what was happening a couple of cops were coming our way. Courtney grabbed my beer, threw it to the side, and for some reason decided to try and drag us to hide in some nearby bushes on the neighbors property. When this was happening the cops were literally 10 feet away, so naturally they saw us. Mr. Tough Cop shined his flashlight at us "Ladies, I can see you perfectly, please get off the neighbors property and out of the bushes". We walked out with our heads down. Shit were caught. The cop directed us to the end of the driveway and asked our names. Fuck we are getting MIPs omg omg what am I going to tell my mom?! God dammit!. I spoke first
"My name is K____" then went Courtney
"My name is CourCour" (CourCour is her NICKNAME!)
"I'm sorry ma'am, your name CourCour?!"
"Errr yes?"
"Alright, CourCour, how old are you?"
"21" NO NO. COURTNEY IS NOT 21.
The cop eyed her, of course. Keep in mind that Courtney was wearing a tribal printed crop top, cut-off jean shorts, and HIGH TOP CONVERSE. Standard outfit for a 21-year-old? no. Then he asked me.
"I'm 19." This seemed to actually make him happy.
"Alright ladies, get out of here." We were free? No handcuffs? no calls to mom? YES. Weird how the truth works. Fucking Courtney.

Before I could really register what happened Courtney took off in a full-on sprint with no destination in mind. All i could do was follow suit. 2 blocks later Courtney spotted a boat in someones driveway, grabbed me, and flung us both behind it. So now we were in a strangers driveway. Fucking Courtney.  We called multiple people and finally one friend picked up. She arrived and in my mind I assumed we were headed home. nope. We pulled up in front of a fraternity house, home to some of my least favorite people. FUCKING COURTNEY. We entered the house, in search of more alcohol (which we really didn't need), found none, and awkwardly stood there. We clearly weren't invited to this LOW KEY HANG OUT! not party. nope. A boy I've had more than enough drama with approached me, trying to talk about working our issues out. At this point I was so confused by the night I didn't know what to do. By some grace of God, Courtney sensed my danger and grabbed me saying our ride was here.
"Ride?! what ride? our ride just left after you kidnapped me. Who is this ride you speak of?"
"Just come on! It's my friend." Courtney instructed. Ya cool, I had never in my life seen this friend of hers driving this random oversized SUV waiting out front. Then the back window rolled down. Oh my god I really am being kidnapped this time. NOPE! just the beautiful face of a couple of my sorority sisters! IM SAFE. 

We were now finally headed towards campus, blasting amazing music, and I was finally having fun. I got dropped off close to my dorm, said my goodbyes and went to my door. I went to pull my key out from in my phone case when i realized... oh no. SERIOUSLY?! OMG OMG!! I don't even know who that kid was! I'm never going to see him again! My new iphone is gone forever! My first instinct was to pound dramatically on my door, waking up all of my roommates. "Who has Courtneys number?!" No one. My second instinct was to sprint out of my room and run around the residential community headed towards Courtney's dorm. Not that she would have been any help in her blacked out state. Then I heard her laugh. It sounded like angels singing because it meant she was near. I spotted her, WITH THE PEOPLE IN THE CAR! including the driver! I ran up to him frantically talking about how i left my phone in his car and couldnt get in my dorm and I had just woken up all my roommates and ahhhhhh. He gave me a blank stare, laughed, and then handed me his car keys to his car that was parked 20 feet away. I ran over, found my phone, and finally headed home. This time I actually got inside.

The next morning I went over to Courtneys, walked in a found her clothes laid over the furniture, drying. Because yes, they were wet. Why? Because shortly after I left Courtney she decided the perfect was to end our night was to jump in the residential pool. I tried to ask her why, but she was too hungover to speak.

After that night I decided that I really liked Courtney, and could really see her as my good friend. And here we are almost a year later; roomies and besties. What a happy ending.